


a firefighting organization's guide on how to stage an accident

by tangentiallly



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Bertrand-centric, Don’t copy to another site, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Off Screen Minor Character Death, asoue season 3 spoilers, the night at the opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 20:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17270276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangentiallly/pseuds/tangentiallly
Summary: “Relax a little,” Jacques massaged Bertrand’s back slowly. “The mission hasn’t even begun yet. Not until after the intermission.”“No, the mission has already begun.  It’s not called intermission to be placed before a mission, J.”[or: Where Bertrand Baudelaire and Jacques Snicket werereallyat during the night at the opera.]





	a firefighting organization's guide on how to stage an accident

**Author's Note:**

> warning: asoue netflix season 3 spoilers!
> 
> because i'm very bitter about how they handled the opera scene, especially the fact that bertrand's not even there, i wrote a ... hidden backstory of what really happened. bertrand-centric because he should've been there.
> 
> as always, i don't own asoue
> 
> please don't copy this story to another site

“J,” Bertrand said warningly. “You have to stop distracting me. I’m focusing on the controller for the dragonfly wings here.”

“And you’re welcome to continue to focus on that,” Jacques hummed, tracing his finger across the back of Bertrand’s lower neck. Bertrand could feel Jacques writing some kind of message with his finger, but he couldn’t make out what was the message. “While I focus on ... other things. Prettier than those wings.”

“Please, I’m serious.” Bertrand sighed.  He squinted at Beatrice, who was on the stage, and pressed a button on his controller.  She flew upwards, and the crowds applauded and cheered.  The crowds loved Beatrice, he thought.

“Relax a little,” Jacques massaged Bertrand’s back slowly. “The mission hasn’t even begun yet. Not until after the intermission.”

“No, the mission has already begun.  It’s not called  _intermission_  to be placed  _before_  a mission, J.” Bertrand said. He was still looking entirely serious and very professionally focused on the stage like he ought to, but Jacques could detect a hint of a smile quirking up those lips that looked almost bitable in Jacques’ eyes.

“Wow, Beatrice and Lemony are _horrible_  influences on you.”

“But seriously, this is part of the mission. Keeping up with the usual performances so not to alert anybody anything’s wrong, staging the circumstances leading up to the firing of weapon to make the whole event look like an accident, those are  _all_  part of the mission.”

“And that includes making sure Beatrice fly dramatically enough in the air?”

“That’s part of keeping up with performances. The many adoring Beatrice fans in the audience would notice if this part isn’t done to the usual Beatrice standards.” He moved joystick on the controller slowly in an elaborate movement.

Jacques’ hand smoothed over Bertrand’s hair softly. “I notice we have quite a few  _very_  adoring Beatrice fans within the operation too. R’s passing the darts, L is distracting E with B herself with the theft of her sugar bowl, and K will make sure the argument that would end in darts happen at the right time.”

Bertrand looked at Beatrice doing a flip in the air, and replied, “Guess I’m there as the only person not besotted with Beatrice to balance this mission.”

“You and Beatrice herself.”

“Well, that’s a rather bold assumption about Beatrice herself, J.” Bertrand tutted. 

He lowered Beatrice back onto the ground, and she started the last part of her song.  He stole a quick glance at the member of the official fire department -- he preferred to think of him as that rather than Olaf’s dad. Just a member of official fire department with certain reform plans for the department that the volunteer fire department found .... inconveniencing. Not the father of someone he knew. Not the father of Beatrice’s longest friend from childhood. Throughout the years, Bertrand had learned many useful little skills for compartmentalizing, and this, he thought, was a time he needed to compartmentalize or else the mission would be at risk.  

No longer needing to control the wings, he would soon be heading to hide near the exit where the member of official fire department would be leaving after his announcement during the intermission. Then he would signal Beatrice and Kit via the earrings they were wearing of when the official fire department member would be walking out the door.

Bertrand closed his eyes and swallowed. When he opened his eyes, he found Jacques looking right into them. “Well,” Bertrand said, his throat suddenly dry. “Time for the next part of the mission.”

“Right, after the intermission,” Jacques said, and this time the wordplay sounded humorless.

"See you on the other side," Bertrand took a deep breath, almost ready to leave.  He hesitated for a moment.  Should he kiss J for good luck?  He thought about how he’d be a different person when he had the chance to kiss him next time.

Jacques leant forwards himself. “Careful,” he whispered into Bertrand’s lips.

“I always am,” Bertrand murmured back. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://beatricebidelaire.tumblr.com)


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